riiiiight, so i predicted the stars in 7 games against colorado, but i wouldn't have predicted they'd do it by coming back from a 3-1 series deficit. and hey, guess what? i still don't! yeah you gotta be fuckin kidding me, no goddamn way we win the last 3 games in that series, we'll be lucky to win one. last postseason was more frustrating though, cuz i thought we were a better team, hell we were the #1 seed. this year, eh, bad start screwed us over too much, we should have been able to seed higher and play somebody worse like st louis or nashville. colorado's rocky (eh, bad pun) but at this point they've still got more weapons that dallas, so it's not shocking that they're damn near schooling us. i'll be a bit disappointed when we get knocked out in the first round (i'd say there's a 95% chance of that happening) but can't say it's too surprising, it'd actually be kinda fitting for this season. so eh, fuck.

"no time! there's never any time!" --- jessie spano

yes, that infamous saved by the bell quote ("i'm so excited, i'm so excited, i'm so.... scared!") adequately sums up how i've felt lately. it's not even academics, at least not this week. it's mostly just wanting to accomplish or do things. yeah yeah i know, what a sad fuckin problem to have, but a lot of times i just can't decide what to accomplish, so i end up accomplishing nothing, heh. gamecube games, tivo, shows on my computers, movies, etc. i've always had problems of "more, more, more" where i just have too much coming in and can't handle it, but now it's more like i can't decide which 'thing' i wanna spend time with. i think tivo always wins, cuz i schedule enough shit to record so that i gotta watch an hour or so each day to make sure i've got decent space. but it's kinda good i hafta do that, cuz if i didn't i'd never watch any of what i record.

i can't tell yet what's burning me out, if anything. i'm definitely burned out on something though, it's just really hard to care about *anything* right now. i was gonna take my digicam around with me for everything i did on campus and shit, but i don't think i'm gonna bother. just the sorta mood i'm in (and plenty other graduates) i don't think i care enough to take pics of anything on campus.

it's funny, when you can just easily record whatever's on tv at basically any time, like sometimes you feel like you're overdoing it. i check the schedule for like the next week and queue up a good 3-4 shows a day which seem like a great idea at the time, then after they've recorded i'm like "cool... when the hell am i gonna watch this?" i do that all the damn time. there are so many funny shows, dramas, events, etc that i record that i really enjoy, but when you have like 12 hours of good tv on a menu just waiting for you to click on it, ya don't know what to watch.

i tivo PTI everyday. that's a great damn show. but have you ever noticed no matter what show it is, if you watch enough of something, you just get tired of it? with PTI, i watch it every fuckin day and i start to get sick of the same shit they argue about every damn day. might hafta take a break or something for a while. i'm just not really that great at watching 1 show over-and-over-and-over until i'm blue in the face. lately, alayna & jessica have watched like several dozen back to back episodes of sex & the city. that show's great, but i couldn't sit and watch 6 episodes with like 1 bathroom break in the middle, it just gets boring. i've got more of an attention span than most, but even i can't just beat a show to death. hell i've got like 10 episodes of the larry sanders show on the tivo right now, you think i can sit down and watch those in 5 hours? shit, more like a week.

i think i suck at just relaxing sometimes. i'll sit on a computer for hours on end interacting with the machine, talking to people, downloading, etc. but for some reason it's tough for me at times to just sit down for 20 minutes and watch a show. i end up checking every 30 seconds how much time is left cuz i can't wait for it to be done so i can get that feeling of accomplishment. same thing with playing gamecube, like i'll play for an hour getting things done, then i'm like, alright, time for something else. that'd just be funny if i really stuck with something and people wondered what the hell i was up to for like 4 days. like it turns out i've just been watching noir for 4 days straight, no sleep or food or anything. "i dunno man, i just felt like it."

i signed a 14 month apartment lease starting in may up in allen, i've signed my job offers, i've made progress in making plans for when and how to transition things from college to house to apartment, etc. it just feels like that's the only stuff that really matters, and the rest of this stuff is just bullshit. that's not entirely true, but that's kinda how i treat it. i've said to people lately it would be kinda sad if i got really great grades this semester, cuz if i lived like this every semester and got real solid grades, i tried too hard too often.

what i haven't addressed too much to anybody is that i'm actually kinda nervous not about starting work, but about being able to adjust to semi-regular sleeping hours post-college. raytheon has flexible hours and you can pretty much work when ya want, but it's not like i can wake up at noon and stroll into the damn office. i think in any setting your body just adjusts to a particular cycle of sleeping and waking hours, and over 4 years i've adjusted, probably too well. if you asked me to sleep any hours of the day and i could pick like any 6 hours, i'd prolly go for 4-10am. that's just when i like to sleep the most, really. somehow i'm gonna hafta get away from that though to work properly. it's harder than you'd think. ideally what i'd like to do (given that i'm living on my own by my own rules) is kinda start off somewhat civil and work like 9am to 5:30pm with a 30min lunchbreak, although you rarely end up with the same length days. we have the option of working 9 hours mon-thurs and only coming in half of friday, or taking every other friday off. i'm not really sure how often i'll do that, cuz sometimes i think that's a bit of a waste. as a guy living alone (single, at least in the not-married sense) i'd kinda like to just work 10 hours some days assuming i've got plenty to do, then adjust the rest of my schedule accordingly. it's actually really cool sometimes when you put in 10 hours for the day, like even going out and getting a fast food dinner, cuz the other days of the week you can come in late or get out early. when you're living by yourself, really, who the hell cares when and where you eat? that's kinda how i look at it, like so what if i put in long hours and eat up at work? i may have less of an evening to have fun, but who cares when the next day i'm going home at 2pm and shit? i guess having every other friday off would be nice, but it's not worth working 9 hours every single day you're at work just to be able to have a 3 day weekend every other weekend. i just think they give us enough PTO for that shit really. if i remember right you get about 10 hours of PTO for every calendar month you work, so you work the whole year and you've got like 15 total days you can take off all year. all you gotta do is juggle your hours and combine it with PTO and you can take 3 day weekends pretty damn often actually, i've seen it all the time.

somehow i'll hafta make myself hit the damn sack by midnight. add copious amounts of tylenol PM to the grocery list.

that's enough for now.

--the damaja